Conquering Emotions

Written by: James Travis
Written on: July 11, 2005
Last Updated: March 3, 2006

Emotions, we all have them. They affect every decision we make and every action we take in one way or another. In this spiritual health article we will take a look at what emotions actually are, what God tells us about them, and how to detect and defend against emotionalism and to keep control of our emotions before they control us.

First, we must identify what emotions are. Have you ever seriously considered emotions? The simplest and yet most profound definition and explanation is that emotions simply allows us to feel what we are thinking.

If you continually think about something pleasant, you will feel happier; if you think about something saddening, you will feel more down and depressed. Whatever your mind is focused on will impact your emotional state. This is proven in Bible scripture:

“For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7)

This is why we must so carefully guard our hearts and minds against ungodly messages, because they can plant seeds into our hearts and minds which cause us to start thinking about the wrong things which can indeed affect us as we have just discovered above.

The Bible actually tells us a lot about our emotions and the power that they can wield over our lives if we do not control them. Consider the following scriptures:

"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God." (Romans 8:5-8)

The meaning of “the flesh” is the sinful urges and cravings of our bodies, as well as anything carnal or otherwise contrary to the laws of God. The meaning of “the Spirit” (Spirit with a capital S) signifies the Holy Spirit.

The scripture verses above are very straightforward. Those who live for and have their lives controlled by carnality and sin are that way because they first made the decision to set their mind on it; which simply means to think about it or to meditate on it. The verses are also very clear about the results of that kind of lifestyle: It leads to death. It doesn’t get any more clear or plain than that.

Another point in the verses above worthy of noting is that the mind that is set on the flesh produces hostility towards God and the things of Christ. If you have ever encountered someone who just simply refuses to listen to anything about God and seems extra-ordinarily angry toward God, chances are that they are preoccupied with something or other concerning carnal matters. The best thing to do then is pray that the Lord will remove whatever is blocking that person from putting God first in their heart and mind.

So we have established that emotions are simply tools that allow us to feel what is in our heart and mind. Now let’s take a look at what happens when we don’t keep control over our emotions and they begin to rule us. The Bible gives a very interesting account of a certain couple, Nabal and Abigail.

Nabal was a very angry, greedy and selfish man. He allowed his emotions to completely dominate his life; as a result, not only was he miserable, but he made everyone around him miserable as well.

In contrast, Abigail was a very wise woman who loved the Lord God and was far better than what Nabal rightfully deserved to have. This wasn’t exactly a perfect relationship by any means.

Let’s read this Biblical account and then we will take a closer look at the principles it demonstrates.

"Now Samuel died. And all Israel assembled and mourned for him, and they buried him in his house at Ramah. Then David rose and went down to the wilderness of Paran. And there was a man in Maon whose business was in Carmel.

The man was very rich; he had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats. He was shearing his sheep in Carmel. Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. The woman was discerning and beautiful, but the man was harsh and badly behaved; he was a Calebite.

David heard in the wilderness that Nabal was shearing his sheep. So David sent ten young men. And David said to the young men, "Go up to Carmel, and go to Nabal and greet him in my name. And thus you shall greet him: 'Peace be to you, and peace be to your house, and peace be to all that you have. I hear that you have shearers. Now your shepherds have been with us, and we did them no harm, and they missed nothing all the time they were in Carmel. Ask your young men, and they will tell you. Therefore let my young men find favor in your eyes, for we come on a feast day. Please give whatever you have at hand to your servants and to your son David.'"

When David's young men came, they said all this to Nabal in the name of David, and then they waited. And Nabal answered David's servants, "Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants these days who are breaking away from their masters. Shall I take my bread and my water and my meat that I have killed for my shearers and give it to men who come from I do not know where?" So David's young men turned away and came back and told him all this. And David said to his men, "Every man strap on his sword!" And every man of them strapped on his sword. David also strapped on his sword. And about four hundred men went up after David, while two hundred remained with the baggage. But one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal's wife, "Behold, David sent messengers out of the wilderness to greet our master, and he railed at them. Yet the men were very good to us, and we suffered no harm, and we did not miss anything when we were in the fields, as long as we went with them. They were a wall to us both by night and by day, all the while we were with them keeping the sheep. Now therefore know this and consider what you should do, for harm is determined against our master and against all his house, and he is such a worthless man that one cannot speak to him."

Then Abigail made haste and took two hundred loaves and two skins of wine and five sheep already prepared and five seahs of parched grain and a hundred clusters of raisins and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on donkeys. And she said to her young men, "Go on before me; behold, I come after you." But she did not tell her husband Nabal. And as she rode on the donkey and came down under cover of the mountain, behold, David and his men came down toward her, and she met them. Now David had said, "Surely in vain have I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good. God do so to the enemies of David and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him."

When Abigail saw David, she hurried and got down from the donkey and fell before David on her face and bowed to the ground. She fell at his feet and said, "On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. Please let your servant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your servant. Let not my lord regard this worthless fellow, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him. But I your servant did not see the young men of my lord, whom you sent. Now then, my lord, as the LORD lives, and as your soul lives, because the LORD has restrained you from bloodguilt and from saving with your own hand, now then let your enemies and those who seek to do evil to my lord be as Nabal. And now let this present that your servant has brought to my lord be given to the young men who follow my lord. Please forgive the trespass of your servant. For the LORD will certainly make my lord a sure house, because my lord is fighting the battles of the LORD, and evil shall not be found in you so long as you live. If men rise up to pursue you and to seek your life, the life of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of the living in the care of the LORD your God. And the lives of your enemies he shall sling out as from the hollow of a sling. And when the LORD has done to my lord according to all the good that he has spoken concerning you and has appointed you prince over Israel, my lord shall have no cause of grief or pangs of conscience for having shed blood without cause or for my lord taking vengeance himself. And when the LORD has dealt well with my lord, then remember your servant."

And David said to Abigail, "Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from avenging myself with my own hand! For as surely as the LORD the God of Israel lives, who has restrained me from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, truly by morning there had not been left to Nabal so much as one male."

Then David received from her hand what she had brought him. And he said to her, "Go up in peace to your house. See, I have obeyed your voice, and I have granted your petition."

And Abigail came to Nabal, and behold, he was holding a feast in his house, like the feast of a king. And Nabal's heart was merry within him, for he was very drunk. So she told him nothing at all until the morning light. In the morning, when the wine had gone out of Nabal, his wife told him these things, and his heart died within him, and he became as a stone. And about ten days later the LORD struck Nabal, and he died. When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, "Blessed be the LORD who has avenged the insult I received at the hand of Nabal, and has kept back his servant from wrongdoing. The LORD has returned the evil of Nabal on his own head." Then David sent and spoke to Abigail, to take her as his wife." (1 Samuel 25:1-39)

There are actually two cases of unrestrained and unchecked emotions in the account of Nabal and Abigail. The first and obviously most grievous case is of Nabal, to the point where “No one can talk to him”; he is so hostile and hard-hearted to the wisdom of the Lord that he refuses all correction from his fellow men.

The second case is found in David. He becomes so enraged when his messengers tell him of Nabal’s response and refusal to help that he sets out to kill him and every male in his house. However unlike Nabal, David was able to take control over his emotions and keep from “bloodguilt” (the sin of murder).

Also is of note that in the end, the Lord keeps His promise [see: Romans 12:19] and becomes David’s ultimate avenger and seemingly also frees Abigail from her abusive relationship to Nabal.

Recognizing and dealing with out of control emotions

So how can we detect the symptoms of emotionalism? It can be spotted very clearly in people who are wrapped up in themselves and/or in experiencing the pleasures of the flesh. When someone always has to have their way, or like Nabal, is greedy, selfish and so hard-hearted that they refuse to accept correction from anyone. That is emotionalism, and it is sin.

Now that we have identified it, how do we stop it? Well, if we find that we ourselves are the one with the problem of emotionalism, the first step is to purpose in our own hearts and minds that we both need to change and that we actually want to change. If you haven’t stopped reading in disgust, chances are that you meet the requirement of wanting to change.

The second thing we must do to conquer our emotions was actually revealed to us in the very first scripture verse in this study… We must set our mind on the things of the Holy Spirit, on the things of God.

So what are the things of God? And how do we set our minds on those things?

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9)

It isn’t easy, and it will take great practice and determination on your part. Just don’t give up!

Coping with others who are ruled by emotions

As we come to a close, what should we do if we are living with someone or come into daily (or repeated) contact with someone who is ruled by emotionalism? I encourage you to try and witness to them. If they aren’t saved, if they do not know Jesus, share Him with them, because the rest of this will not make any sense if the person doesn’t know Christ.

Finally, and I offer this purely as a point of hope for those desperate souls who are living with a modern-day Nabal… If the person has been repeatedly offered correction, either by you, or others, and has been convicted by the Holy Spirit and still remains hard-hearted and refuses to change just as Nabal did; know that God deems such a person as worthless, and God will not allow your situation to continue forever. God will eventually kill that person just as He killed Nabal. Because God does not change, and He is still just as Holy and Sovereign as He was in Biblical times.

I’m not saying that you should wish or pray for anyone to die. Abigail did everything in her power to save Nabal and her family from death at the hands of David and his army; and the Bible commands us to love everyone, including our enemies (it’s our job to share Christ with them in-fact). I simply offer that as a point of hope to those in that situation.

Be steadfast, and Rise to the Challenge.

If you have never accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior and are interested in doing so I encourage you to read a new article I have written entitled Accepting Jesus.